I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
