I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
