That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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