So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
