Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
