wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
