He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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