All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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