You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
