Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
