bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
