I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
