Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
