I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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