There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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