I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize