i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
