Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
