when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
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