My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
