I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
