Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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