before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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