So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
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Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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