I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
