I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
