guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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