so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
