your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
