I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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