i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
