I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
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what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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