So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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