first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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