Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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