normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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