Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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