The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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