we have officially lost it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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