oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
