Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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