Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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