Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
