she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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