Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
