Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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