i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
someone owes me an orgasm
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
