she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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