Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
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I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
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im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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