I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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