whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
