I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
