Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
