Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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