that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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