I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
His hands were made for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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