I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
