Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
