Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
