I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
