Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
