I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
