We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Pants are for mortals
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
