just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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