I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She's the barista slut.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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