Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
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im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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