I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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