I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
