the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
