i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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