saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I want a musical about memes.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
