she was so not down for the gang bang
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
