she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
