you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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